Month: January 2018

Have you ever looked at a log and thought about the growth rings? What causes some to be darker than others? Why are some thicker and others thinner? Why do some areas seem smooth and others bumpy?
Without getting into the nerdy science bits, there are a number of things that affect those rings. The temperature. The amount of rain. Potential abuse to the tree. There are numerous factors impacting the growth rings that develop over the years. Rings which determine the strength, shape, and size of the tree as it grows.

What shapes the growth rings in our lives?

This week I spoke to a friend whose daughter lost her best friend in a tragic car accident. While I cannot directly relate to her experience, discussing this situation reminded me of my mom’s death in a car accident almost 19 years ago.
I imagine that in this moment, that young lady can’t picture the rest of her life without this friend. I am sure they spent countless hours together and her unexpected death has created a huge hole in her life. I have struggled over the last few days about what to say. I am so weary of the standard fare people offer. “She is in a better place.” “God needed her more than we do.” Those kind of responses are what I call theological BS and are often sincere attempts to explain something that cannot be explained.

So as I have wrestled with what to say, for now I know there is little to say. In the moments and days following a loss like this, the best thing to do is be present. This requires us to embrace the uncomfortable silence and focus on being instead of saying or doing.
But when the time is right, this is what I think I would say to this grieving young lady…

Every year, every day, every moment is a season. In those seasons people will come and go. They may be very close to us today but far less present or even absent in the future. When this happens in the natural ebbs and flows of life we often barely notice it. But when it happens in an instant, outside the realm of natural progression, it hurts like hell. It cuts us deeply and leaves us feeling hopeless and helpless. It causes us to question what we believe and often results in anger towards God, other people, and even ourselves.
Reflecting on the nineteen years since my mom’s death, the three years since my dad’s death, and a number of other tragic deaths I have experienced, I have learned this…

Like a tree, we have rings of growth that develop throughout our life. Some are smooth and thick. Other have bumps and are thinner. The experiences of our life determine what those rings look like and how they strengthen and shape us as we grow.
What I would want to tell this you is that you will always have a scar in this growth ring. You will never completely forget the pain of a friend ripped away far too young. You will always remember her and the impact she had on your life.
But I also have experienced that over time you will focus less on the pain and scars and more on the strength your friend brought you in the rings proceeding the scar. You will rejoice in the memories as you grieve the shared moments you never had a chance to experience. You will laugh as you cry. And you will be thankful for the ways this friend impacted your life while she was with you. You will learn that although no one will ever replace her, others will come into your life to offer strength and shape to the growth rings that you have not yet developed. Your friend may no longer stand beside you, but her impact will always live within you.

Scientists estimate there are approximately one billion snowflakes in a cubic foot of snow. And within that cubic foot, no two snowflakes are alike. Each one shaped by its unique journey. I am not sure how much snow is in this photo, but there are certainly millions and millions of unique snowflakes right here in this small portion of my front yard.

This world contains over seven billion unique people, no two exactly alike. Each person shaped by his or her unique journey. If you are reading this today, you are one of those seven billion uniquely special human beings. Your life has shaped who you are to this point.

But let’s be honest, it has not always been a smooth journey to this point. For some of us, the trip has been rougher than others.
Your edges might be a little sharper because of pain, loss, or abuse.
Your shell might be a little tougher due to how others have treated you.
Your inside might be a little more tender from your life experiences.

But the opposite could also be true…
Your life might look better than others because of the love and support you’ve received.
Your situation might be more comfortable due to the opportunities you’ve had.
Your inside might have more confidence and strength from years of positive experiences.

Whether you’re in the first category or the second, or – like most of us – somewhere in between, here are a few things to never forget…

We are all human beings created in the image of our Creator. I am not here to debate creation versus evolution or whether there is a God. My point is to share why I believe every single human being on this planet has intrinsic value. Man or woman. Black or white. Christian or Muslim. Straight or gay. I believe every single one of us was formed by God, and deserves the same love and respect from our fellow human beings.

We all need to belong. We are formed in the image of a God who is community. The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are one, but also three. I am not here to debate the Trinity theologically. My point is we are created for community because we were birthed out of community. I believe that every single human being needs a community and is created for belonging.

We are in this together. If we are all deserve love and respect and were created for community, then we need to work towards acting like it. We need to stop building walls, calling names, dividing, and attacking. Our neighbor is not only the person next door whose skin is the same color, goes to the same church, has a family that looks like ours, and lives in the same socio-economic class as us. Our neighbor is also the person who has a different view on abortion, same-sex marriage, war, tax policy, immigration, and a litany of other issues. Our neighbor is that person across the globe who we want to launch missiles at because we view them as our enemy or even ignore because we don’t want to deal with their starvation and other struggles.

This doesn’t mean we can’t disagree and discuss policies, opinions, and options. Or that we each have to solve all of the world’s problems. But, we need to start with this critical foundation before we enter that dialogue: We are all human beings. We all need to belong. We are in this together.

When a billion different snowflakes come together, they can create something beautiful. If we can start from a point of common humanity, maybe we can all learn to treat each other more humanely, and move this planet towards the beauty that has been God’s dream for us the whole time.

It’s a new year. Time to look back and focus on the future. A season to remember what has been and resolve what will be. A moment to turn the page on a new chapter of life.

If we’re honest, isn’t that what every day is about? Every moment?

The image above is my current stack of books from the library. It probably isn’t important to anyone else what those books are, but it is to me. Those pages contain words that will touch my heart and mind. Thoughts of others that will, in some way, shape who I am as a person.
Since I started a serious journey of self-discovery around two and half years ago, I have read somewhere in the neighborhood of 80 books. That amounts to somewhere in the range of 12,000 to 18,000 pages, or 4,000,000 to 6,000,000 words. I don’t say this to brag, but rather to share the amount of knowledge and wisdom I have encountered over the last 30 months or so. I don’t read to prove how much I know. I read to learn how much I don’t know.
Reading isn’t for everyone, but we all determine what will shape our hearts and minds to some extent. We choose what we read, what we watch, and what we listen to, things impacting who we are becoming.

None of us today are who we were yesterday. None of us are who we will be tomorrow. We stand in the present with an opportunity to look back and learn and an opportunity to turn forward and grow.

Over the last several years I have reduced TV watching and soon will be getting rid of satellite TV. This isn’t for everyone, but it is good for me. With only so many hours in the day, I need to use them wisely. I would rather spend an hour reading a book than watching mindless entertainment.
Will I still watch TV occasionally? Absolutely. But it will be less frequent and more intentional. It will be a specific show or event that is worthy of that time, not a time killer sucking away my opportunity to grow.

There are many other things I should assess to determine if they deserve my time, but I am learning to choose my battles wisely and not spread my efforts too thin. I am far from perfect, but I am striving to be better than I was yesterday.

What is one step you can take to use your time more wisely? Quitting a habit? Changing a behavior? Developing a new attitude? No one can answer that question but you.
Every day is another page in the book of life. What will be there when you turn the page to tomorrow?