Last night I attended my 30th high school class reunion. There were dozens of familiar faces, many of whom I haven’t seen for years. It was an evening of stories and smiles, laughter and reminiscing.
But for me there was a darker, unseen side to the evening.
As I have mentioned recently, I’m going to be more transparent and vulnerable in this blog moving forward, and this is going to be a journey into that place.
I was a damaged person in middle school and high school. When the time is right, I plan to unpack some of the causes of my brokenness; for now, I’ll share one way I was broken.
I had very few real friends in high school. This is certainly not their fault for lack of effort or friendship. My woundedness both discouraged and prohibited me from any relationships that were deeply meaningful during that season of my life. I see that evidenced in the way I failed to stay truly connected with anyone from that time.
Looking around at people reconnecting and reminiscing, the shallowness and temporality of my high school relationships became tangible. I could taste it, sense it, feel it.
Let me pause briefly to share what I have been processing these last few hours. If you’re familiar with the Enneagram, I am a textbook Type 7. Sevens in stress move to Type 1. Without getting into all of the details (there are books dedicated to this), I could actually feel myself shifting into Oneness at my reunion. A friend I ran into later in the evening even mentioned they sensed a noticeable difference in me.
While I have undergone significant changes and growth over the last three years, last night shook me to the core. It exposed areas where I still need work, revealed deep wounds that are not completely healed, and – on a positive note – reaffirmed how much I have grown and healed and how much self-awareness I have gained.
We all carry around wounds from our past. Some wounds are deeper than others, but we are all broken to some extent.
I can tell you than burying much of my woundedness for the first 45 years of my life served me well on the surface, but made my internal life a living hell at times. The mental and emotional toxins I contained poisoned my soul. Last night revealed some toxins yet to be fully purged.
Last night served as a good barometer for me, showing how far I have come and how much lies ahead. I am thankful for where I stand today and sometimes overwhelmed by the work yet to be done.
If anything I’ve said relates to you, find someone to talk to. If you’ve been burying things, begin to uncover them. In subsequent posts, I will offer more insights, but in the meantime, I pray these words bring you hope.
Breaking Into Peace 