Hurt people hurt people

Have you ever come upon an injured animal? They are afraid. They are defensive. They interpret any movement towards them as an attack.

The reality is we human beings aren’t much different, except we often can’t see the injuries. Rather than a scratch, bleeding wound, or some other physical injury, the wounds are often much more profound, buried deep inside the soul.

When we are hurt, we tend to hurt others. Unfortunately, that means we often hurt those we love and those who love us. In our efforts to protect ourselves from being hurt one more time, we strike first. Sometimes with aggression and other times with exclusion. We will usually attack or withdraw, causing pain either way.

This reminds me of something I’ve come across several times in the Bible. The book of Numbers says it this way… “’The Lord is slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, forgiving iniquity and transgression, but he will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, to the third and the fourth generation.’” (Numbers 14:18 ESV)

Maybe this verse is more descriptive than prescriptive. Maybe the reason iniquities are passed down from one generation to the next isn’t because God makes it happen, but rather because we can’t accept and pass on the love we are offered by God. Maybe part of clearing guilt is our work.

I have witnessed hurt people hurting people in my life more times than I care to count. Sometimes I have done the hurting and other times I have been hurt. I have attacked and withdrawn and been on the receiving end of both as well.

I have been learning that as we heal, we become agents of healing. As we wrestle with our hurts, name them and face them, we begin to find relief. This in turn allows us to extend compassion, not hurt, even when our instinct tells us to hurt back.

This is not an easy journey, nor one that is traveled in a straight line. However, I can tell you that the further down this path I travel, the less I find myself lashing out or pulling away when the hurt rises to the surface in my life. I’m finally learning, slowly but surely, to break the cycle of hurts for hurts, and in the process forgiveness, compassion, and Shalom are becoming more tangible in my life.