Paying for someone else’s sins

Have you ever stopped to think about how much of the suffering we experience and create in the world is the result of someone else’s sins?

Let me stop and define sin for a minute. I want to get away from sin being a list of “bad” things that disappoint God and redefine the word. For me, sin is anything that disrupts the world as God imagined it. Sin does not make God angry in the sense that you and I think of someone getting mad. Rather, God’s anger towards sin is a deep pain, the kind of anger a parent feels when their child is wronged or does wrong.

So when I speak of another’s sin, I am speaking of actions that disrupt the goodness of the world. The list is unfortunately endless… abuse, unfaithfulness, greed, abandonment, theft, degradation, racism, sexism, exploitation, and so on.

But here is the issue with sins, they keep going.

Imagine someone who was abused by their parents in some way. Now imagine that person as a spouse or a parent. Imagine how the damage done to them will impact the way they interact with their family and friends. Then imagine the impact their behavior will have on those around them. This can continue for generation after generation.

So, when someone mistreats you, keep in mind you are probably experiencing the repercussions of what that person received from someone else.

This by no means justifies or excuses the behavior, but it should cause us to take pause and think. Depending on the severity of the words of actions, we have a host of options if terms of how we react.

But first, a few questions…

Are you in danger? If you are in serious danger, physically or mentally, find a way out.

Is this person willing to address their issues? If someone is unwilling to confront their own stuff, you’re probably wasting your time.

Have you examined yourself? The reality is you may have issues that are helping fuel or at least allowing this behavior to happen or continue.

A few things you will need to have…

Grace. We all need grace. We are all broken vessels who sometimes leak the toxins inside us.

Boundaries. Grace is not a license for the other person to have free reign. Determine and enforce appropriate boundaries.

Open communication. If it is safe, express clearly what you are thinking and feeling to the other person. If they exhibit the same openness back, this could be an opportunity for growth and healing for both of you.

Let’s be honest. We all have stuff. And much of our stuff results from someone else leaking some of their stuff onto us. So let’s extend a little grace, maintain healthy boundaries, and communicate with openness so we can create opportunities for healing and growth. Then, maybe we can stop someone else from having to pay for our sins.