Two teenagers. Two significantly different views about church. One youth group.
I remember facing this situation a number of years ago as a youth minister. Like the church, there were two different “camps” in the youth group when it came to church. And there were times you could cut the tension with a knife.
Don’t get me wrong; it wasn’t a constant fight or situation where they hated each other, but there was a palpable tension and two of the most vocal students, one for each “side,” seemed to embody the cold war between them.
I was reminded of these two during a recent Brené Brown podcast where the guest, Dr. Vivek Murthy, said, “relationship is the foundation of dialogue.”
To be fair, these two students had a relationship. They sat in the same youth room on Wednesday nights and gathered in the same auditorium on Sunday mornings. But it felt like their differences of opinion created a barrier, defined how they related, and radiated into the other students in the group.
In preparation for our annual mission trip, students were paired up with a packing partner to room with on the trip. This allowed them to plan what to bring and share certain items to minimize their packing.
I decided to make these two packing partners.
There was some concern about how this might turn out, these two sleeping in the same room, sharing space, and basically living together for a week.
Not being not in the room, I don’t know what interactions occurred, what conversations happened, or any of the details of those evenings and mornings together.
I do know one thing. They both came back changed.
After spending a week together, something shifted in their relationship. Neither student changed their views, but their tone and posture were different. I saw it. The rest of the group saw it. And it altered the atmosphere in the entire group.
Don’t picture some fairy tale ending where everything was happily ever after. However, don’t miss the very real changes that resulted. I didn’t have words to explain it quite as eloquently then, but in the words of Dr. Murthy, “relationship is the foundation of dialogue.”
Maybe that’s what our world needs today. Rather than hurling insults or projectiles, instead of attacking or berating, maybe we need to be “packing partners” with those we so strongly disagree with. Instead of changing either other’s minds, maybe we need to listen to each other’s hearts. Let’s recognize the human being behind the opinion and start with relationship to build a foundation for dialogue. If it can work for a couple of teenagers, why can’t it work for the rest of us?
Breaking Into Peace 