Learning to love

Writing the words on the final page of this chapter of life titled 2022, I reflect on the experiences and lessons these 365 days have offered.

These moments have been built upon the foundation of years past, failures and triumphs, grief and joy. This year proved to be no different, with many opportunities for growth along the way.

People have come into my life and people have left. Others continue to journey with me in a variety of ways. There is gratitude for the many ways my community has exhibited encouragement, support, challenge, and love. While the nature of some relationships has changed, the value of those individuals has not.

There have been new relationships as well, including one which has taught me new levels of vulnerability, transparency, risk, and love. While not the only new relationship, it has been uniquely transformational.

My relationship with the divine has grown as well. God has continued to transform me and invite me into deeper communion with herself and all creation, helping me see the divine in all people and the world.

We often cheapen love with cheesy Hallmark movies, surface-level niceties, and other discounted versions of this complex aspect of life.

Love we witness in romantic movies and simple acts of kindness are definitely part of what love is, but not the entirety of its essence.

In learning to love, I am learning to forgive, to challenge, to look in the mirror, and to lay down my armor. Jesus challenged us to love our neighbor as ourself. Part of that work means we must speak to ourself the same way we speak to our closest friends.

For years, that was not my reality. I would be incredibly hard on myself, saying things about and to myself I would never say to anyone, especially those I care about most. This is still a struggle, but something which happens less and less.

The interesting thing about learning real self-love is how it teaches us to love our neighbor. Often—if not always—our hatred for our “enemies” is projecting self hatred on an “other.” It’s usually easier to demonize another person or group than to sit with our own imperfections and failings.

Life—the ultimate teacher and classroom—invites us to learn. If we are willing to do the work, the lessons are endless, a vast array of opportunities to evolve into a better version of ourself and become more and more human.

In the creation story, God is described as creating human beings in their own image. We are made for community and for love. We are made to build one another up and work as agents of creation. Jesus came to show us what that should look like.

It means we welcome the stranger, the outcast, the oppressed. It means we lay down our ego and take up our cross. But it also means we learn to love the parts of ourself which feed self-hatred.

Learning to love the ugliest parts of ourself leads to the growth of grace, mercy, healing, justice, hope, and love deep inside our soul. That kind of internal transformation can’t help but change how we engage the world.

May we learn to love ourselves more fully that we might learn to love the world in ways which align with the divine’s dream for wholeness, justice, and peace.