Month: May 2025

Today would have been my parents’ 60th wedding anniversary; they were married on May 15th, 1965. My relationship with them remains complicated, even though my mom has been gone 26 years and my dad for more than a decade. Nevertheless, I’m thankful they found each other and brought me into the world.

While they never taught me these lessons directly, there are a few things I have learned from my relationship with them (mostly due to good therapy and some challenging self-work):

• Most people are doing the best they can with what they have.
• Trauma is often blindly passed from one generation to the next.
• Love—even in its most imperfect forms—should be honored and appreciated.
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• Offering forgiveness can be a healing experience for the giver, even if the other person isn’t here to receive it.

Happy Heavenly Anniversary to Roland and Paula Steckel.

This year has more weight. Turning 55 feels a little heavier, not necessarily in a bad way, but it terms of perspective. Maybe it’s because 60 seems incredibly close all of a sudden. Maybe it’s because 65 is only a decade away.

Regardless, as I turn 55, I’m taking stock of my life a little more. I look back and see celebration and mourning, victory and defeat, gain and loss, joy and grief. I have made significant progress but also made more than enough mistakes.

As I have gotten older, it has become clear that the more I know, the more I realize I don’t know. Life’s lesson have knocked off some of my sharp edges and whittled away at my arrogance. I’ve grown a deeper appreciation for who I am, embraced myself more fully, and realized I’m both vitally important and insignificant at the same time.

My gift to you for my 55th birthday is a list of 55 lessons I have learned along the way. These have come from many people and experiences. They may or may not all resonate with you, but for me they have open doorways to a life that has been both brutal and exhilarating. I hope at least a few of them can be a blessing you to…

Lean into discomfort
Own your sh*t
Practice vulnerability
Love deeply
Be curious
Embrace failure as learning
Never stop learning
Be your authentic self
Listen well
Laugh often
Dance, even if you’re not good at it
Spend time in nature
Explore the world
Stay active
Develop mindfulness
Be present
Invest in other people’s success
Praise others publicly
Critique others privately
Give back to the community
Ask meaningful questions
Get enough sleep
Transform suffering into meaning
Sit in the silence until it silences you
Accept pain as your teacher
Build authentic relationships
Bring healing into the world
Listen to your life
Plants seeds of grace each day
Nourish your soul
Stare into the night sky
Watch the clouds float by
Stand in the rain
Give credit for success to others
Protect others from harm
Eat healthy food
Ask for help
Care for others
Assume positive intent
Try something new regularly
Advocate for the marginalized
Be kind
Lead with compassion
Receive criticism with openness and grace
Welcome diversity of all kinds
Think about what stories you are telling yourself
Have good boundaries
Give generously
Show up for others
Do what you say you will do
Choose courage over comfort
Ask for what you need
Avoid blame
Develop a grateful mindset
Embrace healthy conflict