Shining light

It was a warm summer day. The sun was softly shining in the window of his apartment. It was like any other day that summer as I sat in his living room, until it wasn’t.

He started talking about sexual encounters with coworkers. Then he pulled down his shorts. And then my life changed forever…

Shortly before I became a teenager, I became a victim of sexual abuse. A family friend. Someone we had known for years. But on that day, he was anything but a friend.

I don’t know if that was the start or simply the catalyst of a life lived in darkness. Did this day, this moment, drop a match on the gas puddle that had been a childhood filled with abandonment?

I don’t have all of the answers, but I have questions. These are questions I have been exploring for the last four years since I stepped from behind the facade and exposed the darkness to light.

For decades I lived hidden, shame and unworthiness the voices constantly screaming in my head. They handicapped my ability to maintain real friendships. They contributed to the failure of my marriage. They fueled thoughts and behaviors forever etched in my mind.

I don’t share these words for sympathy or pity. There is no time for that. For the last several years I have engaged in therapy, reading, meditation, confession, and a host of other exercises to combat the evils that have haunted me for years.

This is much more to this story to share, but today I’m taking off the mask. I’m shining light into the darkness. And I hope, in the process, that someone else will find the courage to confront their demons and seek the healing I thought I would never find.