Alone

This weekend I spent 24 hours alone at a retreat center. No phone. No internet. No contact with other people besides the staff.

I read, journaled, prayed, walked a prayer labyrinth, sat silently, reflected, napped, and took a few strolls through nature. I listened to birds, breeze, rain, and rushing water, watched a hawk for several minutes, observed fish swimming in a moving river, and spotted a herd of nearly twenty deer grazing in a small meadow.

It was a day to listen rather than speak. Reflect instead of reacting.

So let me ask something. Have you ever known something but had a moment where it became significantly more clear? I had one of those moments yesterday. Here is my epiphany…

Until we learn to be alone, we cannot truly be present to others.

Most of my life, being alone has been a struggle. I needed noise, activity, an adventure, or another person.

I’m guessing all of us struggle with this to some extent. Being alone, truly alone, forces us to listen to the voices we often want to ignore, the ones that say things we don’t want to hear.

Voices saying things like “you’re not good enough” or “you’re a failure.”

What I’m discovering is those voices drown out the small, still voice beneath the rubble that is our broken lives. They are echoes of the struggles and disappointments we have all faced.

When we can be still and alone with our thoughts long enough, we can start to hear the Voice deep inside of us, the voice that has always been there.

This Voice says “you are loved” and “you are accepted.” This Voice declares your true worth isn’t found is what you did or do, where you live, how much money you make, or how many times you have fallen. This Voice speaks to the inherent goodness breathed into each of us.

This Voice was present in the moments of silence. It was audible in the rushing river. It spoke through the herd of deer. It whispered in the labyrinth.

The challenge is that we each have to hear the Voice ourselves. We can read all the books, hear all the sermons, and see all the quotes we want. But each of us has to do the hard work in our own lives to clear the space inside.

The other voices in our head and the vast access we have to entertaining ourselves are in an ugly dance, a dance that continues to distract us. How many times have you turned on the TV, picked up your phone, or gone somewhere just so you didn’t have to be alone with your thoughts?

I had a significant realization this weekend about my own life, a brokenness hidden deep below the surface. And being alone provided the space to hear it.

I certainly have not arrived on this journey and will stumble more often that I care to admit. But I was reminded in a very powerful way this weekend that the best way to be present to your life in this moment is to learn to be alone and listen to the small, still Voice that dwells deep inside.